Tommy's Journal

Tuesday, June 24th

My late show last night was kind of a dead, tired little crowd. They weren't not having a good time and they were definitely into the show, but they had the energy of folks on vacation who have been being tourists all day. I didn't mind too much. In that lounge I am performing on a dance floor and there are quite a few support beams blocking sight lines, so I move around the whole show to fill the space and keep everyone involved. I was supplying the energy for the show from the stage instead of the crowd supplying the energy.
Quite a few crew members showed up and sat or stood in the back of the room for my show last night. This is very flattering and it really helps. It adds the same aspect to a show as having a bunch of local comics in the back of the room at the comedy club. I always go to the other shows when I am available to on a ship. First of all, I love the other shows, I'm a real nerdy fan of all kinds of live entertainment and I know way too much about musical theater. The other reasons why I go to the other shows is because I know how it feels to have crew and cast members in my audience. I feel like it keeps us sharp to know that you are going to see the folks in the back of the room the next day in the mess during lunch.
I wasn't planning on it, but I talked briefly about George Carlin toward the end of my show. I wonder how his show went last night.
I have three more nights and two more shows on this ship.
tommy on 06.24.08 @ 02:08 PM CST [link] [No Comments]

Monday, June 23rd

So I'm on the Spirit for six nights and I'm working four of those nights. I'm staying on for the end of one cruise and the beginning of the next. This is the same ship I was on last week. It is really nice to be in a familiar place and to know the deal. Often, I am travelling into a mystery. I arrive on a ship but I'm not sure when my shows are or how many or even where the shows are on the ship. There is so much turnover in this business that I often don't know who I am going to be working with. It is much easier to have confidence in your performance if you can visualize it specifically. If you know what the venue looks like, how the crowd is going to be, you can plan out the show as you want it.
The Olympics are coming up and you are going to hear a lot of sports folks discussing things like 'peaking at the right time,' 'visualizing the perfect race,' having confidence in one's abilities.' These things can apply to anyone's life.
When you are a solo performer, you have to believe that you know what you are doing whether you do or not. If you show any fear to a crowd, they pick up on it and even if they want you to do well, even if they are rooting for you, they start to doubt your belief in yourself and then they start to doubt their belief in you.
I'm doing my second of the four shows on this ship tonight. It is a midnight show in the lounge and I did the same show last week. I have no doubt it will go well. I know exactly how the room is going to feel, how the crowd is going to look and what I want to say. It won't be exactly as I imagine it, but there won't be too many surprises.
My show went well a few nights ago, the orchestra pit is still stuck open on this ship, so shows on the main stage are a little tough being stuck behind a big open hole. I knew what to expect, though and adjusted accordingly. Tonight, I am in the lounge, very intimate. I look forward to being able to develop a more intimate connection with this crowd.
George Carlin died yesterday. Of course, he was a hero of mine. Carlin at Carnegie Hall was about as good a comedy special as anyone has ever taped and it made HBO something that everyone needed to have.
George Carlin did things in this business that sound simple but that many of the 'greats' have failed to do. He continued to perform live and create new material when he no longer had to. He paid as much attention to what he was saying onstage as he did to how he was saying it (many are good at one or the other). His range of material stemmed from simple and cute observations "You ever find an empty plate in the fridge? Maybe the olives ate the peas?" to poignant political statements "I don't vote because voting implies a consent to be governed."
George Carlin is not only one of the reasons I started doing comedy, I believe he is one of the reasons there is a market for live comedy today. Many blamed television for the downfall of the comedy club boom. The idea was that if you could see comedy on TV, you wouldn't go out to the club to see it. Carlin's specials made people want to see comedy live and he continued to perform live himself his entire career.
I don't know how to end this rambling blog so I'm going with, "Hooray, lizard shit, fuck"
tommy on 06.23.08 @ 06:53 PM CST [link] [No Comments]

Wednesday, June 18th

My late show on the Spirit went really well a few nights ago. I get to go back to that ship in a few days for the same run pretty much. It is very nice to go back to the same place two weeks in a row because I already know what to expect. I am sitting in the airport in Vancouver waiting to fly home through Denver. The internet is free. I love Canada.
American tourists drive me crazy. Just wait in line patiently like everyone else. Because you made a scene, I get a bad name internationally. It is all pretty simple at the airport, they have signs in various languages telling you what to do and where to go and even if you can't read, you can look around and do what the other people are doing.
Okay, I'm done being mad. If you are abroad and you have an American passport, try not to be an ass, thanks.
The only real downside of this last trip on the Spirit was that I had two nights off. I really don't like not having a show every night. I had some pretty interesting stuff to occupy my time. I got to see two shows on the ship on my nights off. I also got to see the playoff between Rocco Mediate and Tiger Woods for the U.S. Open. Certainly one of the finest rounds of golf ever televised.
Last night I also got to watch the Celtics win the NBA finals. Usually, blowouts aren't that entertaining, but for some reason, this one was pretty fun to watch. The fact that they won the series with dominant defense and rebounding really made the modern day Celtics look like the Bill Russell era Celtics. Before I got obsessed with being an entertainer I wanted to be a basketball player. I grew up watching the Celtics and the Lakers. I felt like I was nine years old again watching that series.
Well, I'm half way through a month of just working ships. It isn't making me as crazy as I thought it would. I will be back in a comedy club in early July, but until then, it is just cruises. They have moved the late night shows back into the lounges on most ships. For a while, the midnight show would happen in the big theater, but now we are putting them back in the little lounges. I really don't care where they tell me to do my show, just as long as I have a show. The main difference is that the lounges only hold about three or four hundred folks at the most depending on the ship, so most of the time, people who want to see the late show will get turned away because the lounge is full. It is very exciting to have a show where everyone in the crowd is sitting ontop of one another and people are standing in the aisles. Also, the lounge feels more like a comedy club so it does lend itself to more experimentation out of me. In some of the lounges, they do Karaoke. It really isn't my first choice to do a show after they wrap up Karaoke, but now that I think of it, in the big room I am often following a game of bingo.
In the lounge on the Spirit, there is an amazing cover band from Romania that played right up until five minutes to showtime. That was very cool. I felt like I was doing a set on the Midnight Special going on after a fantastic rendition of 'I Will Survive'. I love that Midnight Special DVD infomercial.
tommy on 06.18.08 @ 03:43 PM CST [link] [No Comments]

Monday, June 16th

My first flight was from San Diego to Seattle. It was on Alaska Airlines. Because I fly so much, when I fly American or Continental I usually get upgraded or at least get preferred seating. Alaska is a codeshare partner of Continental so I get credit for the miles, but no preferred seating. I was in a middle seat. The nice part about flying on the west coast and being in a middle seat is that there is a fifty percent chance the folks next to you will be diminutive asians leaving lots of room for shoulders. Flying out of Texas if I am in a middle seat I almost always end up between two folks who need seatbelt extensions.
The award for the best beverage service in coach goes to Alaska Airlines. I'm a coffee guy. I love black coffee. Even sitting all day at the Flying J black coffee. I'm not a coffee snob. Mcdonald's coffee is one of my favorites. Alaska serves Seattle's Best and you can tell that they take pride in brewing it properly and serving it at the right temperature. They were training two flight attendants on that flight, and they were making mistakes left and right, bumping into things, dropping stuff, messing up announcements, but the coffee was amazing.
They do a continuous beverage service which on that flight works out to two drinks. The seatbelt light goes off and the cart comes out. It goes up and down the aisles twice. We begin our decent and the cart goes away. I think they realized that if they block the aisle for the whole flight it is much easier to clean the bathroom afterwards.
For the second beverage I had a special treat. They serve Jones Soda. I don't drink softdrinks regularly, I consider them a special occasion treat. I thought I was maybe half asleep or that one of the new flight attendants messed up the announcement, but I could have sworn that they said that one of the things they offered was Jones Cream Soda. The flight attendant came by for the second drink service and I had to stop her from refilling my coffee.
"Did I hear you say that you had Jones Cream Soda?"
"That's right."
"I'd like one of those."
The tiny Vietnamese lady in the aisle heard my order and changed hers. We both nodded our approval to each other after the first sip.
The second flight was from Seattle to Juneau. Seattles best and a Jones later, I found myself in a van headed to the ship. The scenery is breathtaking. I think the white of the snow caps make the greens greener here. The sun stays up longer because there is more to see. The air is very fresh and envigorating. The first breath wakes your body and mind.
I had one show last night. I thought it was going to be two, but the cruise director here had changed it to one because there are a lot of very old people on board and after spending all day breathing that fresh air in Juneau, many of them just want to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow in Skagway. Not enough audience to warrant two. Plenty crowd for one, though. It was just me and they told me at the last minute that they didn't have another juggler working this cruise so if I wanted to and I had my props with me I could do some juggling. I got the picture and went back down to my cabin to get my bag of tricks. The orchestra pit is still stuck open on this ship and as always, some of my jokes just fell into that chasm I was stuck performing behind. All in all, it was a pretty good show. That was last night.
I have a show tonight at 12:15 am, which is 3:15 am my time. It is just one show, just comedy, R-rated. The folks on this ship are so old that they won't be able to stay up late enough to come to my show, but some of them will be able to get up early enough to make it if they go to bed right after their 5 pm supper.
There are a couple of great things I've gotten to experience in the last day that I missed when they first came out and I will now recommend them. The documentary 'The King of Kong' is an incredible piece of work that they were running on the crew channel on the ship. It is about the real life best video game players in the world and focusses on the legendary Donkey Kong world record holders.
Also, Bill Bryson wrote a book called The Lost Continent: Travels in Small Town America. I read four or five books a month and this one stands out. Extremely funny with some fascinating U.S. history mixed in. It actually made me laugh out loud numerous times. One of my favorite lines: "Many of the towns in America are named after the first white man to arrive there or the last indian to leave."
tommy on 06.16.08 @ 12:27 AM CST [link] [No Comments]

Saturday, June 14th

The Holiday Inn at the Prancing Pony

I've entered the United States through immigration in almost every way possible from various different countries. If you ever get the opportunity to enter by car from Tijuana to San Diego make sure that you are in a car with a Mexican driver and a Polish contractor and that you don't know each other and the three of you have no common language that you can speak and understand because there are parts of the Border Patrol complex that you just won't get to see unless you are with a particularly eclectic group.
I signed off the Elation in Ensenada this morning after a pretty good midnight show last night.
The cruise ship agents in Mexico arranged a ride for me and various contractors that were signing off into San Diego so we could catch our flights tomorrow. It is about a two hour drive from Ensenada to San Diego but it takes another one to two hours to drive across the border. There were five of us signing off so three contractors went in one car and myself and my new friend Artur from Poland were in the other car with our driver Daniel. Luckily, Daniel has done this before. He is an expert at taking folks across the border. Even with the language barrier, he was able to get us into the country safe and sound.
I felt bad for Artur, I am coming home when I come back into the U.S. so they are very nice to me, but this poor guy is just trying to get to the airport tomorrow to fly back to Poland after working on ships for a little while and when you have a Polish passport with four work visas in it, they take their time stamping it. Artur looks like the kind of guy who has been in more than one bar fight over the results of an international soccer match. He also looks like the kind of guy who would hate the word 'soccer'. We bonded today as much as two grown men who don't speak each other's language could.
I don't ask much from my hotel accomodations when I'm on the road. First of all, someone else is always paying for my accomodations, so it really isn't my place to complain. Also, I'm pretty simple. When I've just come off a ship and am heading back on the next day I want two things from my hotel room: a bed that I can roll over in without falling out and a shower that I can turn around in without changing the temperature of the water by bumping my ass against the thing that controls the temperature of the water (its been a long day, not sure what word to use for the shower controls, I just know 'shower controls' isn't right). Anything else is gravy as far as I'm concerned. Internet is nice, a restaurant attached is cool, but I can live without those things. Bed and shower, that is what I really want.
By the time we got to the hotel, I was pretty exhausted. My room wasn't ready which doesn't bother me, I can hang out in the lobby for an hour until check in time. I was also hungry. I had to make the decision. I was more hungry than tired. I dumped my luggage and had a sandwich at the attached restaurant (bonus). Went back to my room for the nap and my key didn't work. The same key that worked an hour ago somehow lost it's magnetic code. I kept it in a seperate pocket by itself, but still, it wouldn't open my door. Back to the front desk to get re-programmed and back to the room. The bed was very nice which should have made me check the shower immediately, but I decided instead to get on the internet (free high speed wireless, double bonus). Finally it was time for my pre-dinner shower. I'm not that tall. I'm taller than average, but I fit in coach seats, I don't have to duck under doorways, and they have my size at normal sized people stores. The shower head hit me just below the nipples. This thing is about four and a half feet off the bottom of the tub. Perfect height if I shower on my knees, which I did (first time I was ever on my knees in a shower alone). I went from a tall, narrow cruise ship shower to a short, fat hotel room shower. It reminded me of the hotel room in Korea, I wanted to call the front desk and tell them they accidentally put me in a hobbit room and could I please be moved to a room with elfin ammenities. I stayed in this room so I remain dirty from the neck up.
Tomorrow I fly to Alaska through Seattle and get on the Spirit. Two shows tomorrow night.
tommy on 06.14.08 @ 12:17 AM CST [link] [No Comments]

Thursday, June 12th

My alarm went off at 4:45 am. I got up and showered, packed up my suitcase and computer and drove to the airport. My first flight was to Dallas where I met my connecting flight to Cabo San Lucas. In most ports, I would be getting a cab or shuttle at the airport, but in Cabo, there is a ride waiting for me to take me out to the sea port. When I get to the sea port I have to take a tender boat from the shore to the ship (no big pier in Cabo).
Getting off of the tender boat, the handle to my suitcase came off. I had some really expensive luggage for about six months, it broke. Now I am using very cheap luggage which also lasts about six months. I will be able to finish this trip with no handle on my suitcase, but when I get home, I am going to Walmart for another cheap one.
When I sign onto the ship I go to the MSA (I believe it stands for 'master of staff administration') to drop off my passport and fill out some paperwork that must be filled out whenever you sign onto a ship. They also give me my cabin key. The Elation is the first Carnival ship I ever worked when it was out of Galveston. Now, it sails out of San Diego. I'm staying it the same cabin I stayed in that first time. I'm a very different comic than I was then, but the ship hasn't changed much. The crowds are different here, too. They are very much a west coast crowd so the California jokes that I usually only do when I'm in California clubs came out tonight.
When I got to my cabin it was about noon on the ship (2pm houston time). I unpacked, filled out my expense re-imbursement forms and had a quick lunch at the staff mess.
After lunch it was back to my cabin where I layed a towel down on the floor to do a little push-up/crunch workout. I had two shows tonight, one at 7:00 and one at 8:45. It was just me tonight doing the variet show so it was about fifty minutes of stand-up and juggling each show. This is the type of show I believe I do best and what I want to do on every ship.
After a little nap, I got ready for the show and headed backstage to warm up a little. The first show was a smaller crowd for ships. After spending the day in Cabo San Lucas it is tough to fill up the theater for a 7:00 pm show. There were about 400 people making the theater just under half full on this 'fantasy class ship.' The crowd took a little warming up, but they really came around and were very good for me. I felt like the first show I was on and did my show the way that I want to do it. Everything felt smooth and the show moved fast. Between shows I went back to my cabin to air out my shirt and towel off a little. I spent thirty minutes watching 'Celebrity Circus' which is a great way to rest your brain.
The crowd for the 8:45 show was hot. The theater was pretty full and they seemed 'fed and ready'. I didn't feel like I was as sharp onstage for the second show, but it was still a really good show. I let the crowd set the pace early on instead of the other way around, but we all eventually fell into step. I also juggled much better during the first show.
After the shows I headed back to my cabin to change clothes and went up to the crew bar to have a few drinks with the sound and light techs and a couple of social hosts that I have worked with on other ships. After about two hours I headed down to the midnight buffet for my dinner. I just can't eat too soon before a seven pm show so lunch was my last meal. I was also very tired at this point and after a few drinks it is hard to tell whether you need food or sleep or both. I made myself a veal sandwich on wheat bread.
That is it. This is a typical travel day into two shows. Tomorrow night I have an R-rated midnight show where I get to do my club stand-up act for the same folks who saw me tonight.
tommy on 06.12.08 @ 12:08 PM CST [link] [No Comments]

Saturday, June 7th

I just signed off the carnival Liberty and I'm stuck in the Miami airport for most of the day. I'm heading home for a few nights off. The rest of this month should be pretty exciting, I'm travelling to Alaska to perform on the Carnival Spirit a couple of times. I'll also be on the Elation out of Southern California. I haven't been to Alaska since the forty-ninth show of our 'fifty states, fifty days' tour in '05. I'm looking forward to seeing it from a ship.
I've been having very good shows lately which is good and bad. It is a lot of fun to perform for full house cruise ship crowds, but they are such good crowds that you don't learn anything about your act and you can't get a read on new material. They just seem to love everything.
A few weeks ago I was in Boise working the new room there. The legendary Boise Funnybone has closed, but there is a little bar in Meridian, Idaho that is doing one show a night, Wednesday through Sunday. It is a dueling piano bar and a 'headliner only' show. This is turning into a bit of a trend. Instead of bringing in two comics from out of town and using a local comic to host the show, many smaller budget rooms have eliminated the 'feature' spot and just hire a headliner. This gives them a bigger budget for the headliner, but it also makes the show a bit tougher. They often don't have locals doing any time up front, either. Just somebody (in this case, one of the piano players) settling everyone down and introducing the headliner to do an hour. Very similar to a cruise ship show. I had to warm up the crowd for myself. Quite a challenge and a great opportunity to get better at what I do.
Wednesday night was their radio party and ladies night. Folks from the local radio station give away booze and t-shirts and get the crowd nice and confrontational, then they have a comedy show. I accepted the challenge and attacked the crowd up front then settled into my act. I did my best to ignore two drunk ladies who just weren't getting enough attention during my show. All in all, it went well on Wednesday, but it was a lot of work.
Thursday through Saturday reminded me of the old Boise Funnybone. The crowds were very hip and extremely well behaved. What I have grown to expect from Boise audiences. It is almost spooky how good they are in that bar environment. Five minutes into the show, the baby grand pianos I was standing between seemed to vanish and the upstairs of the little bar transformed itself into a theater. The drinks and tables also disintegrated and all of the chairs faced forward. There was no more fried food with dipping sauce on the table and shorts and t-shirts turned into suits and dresses.
I have quite a few comic friends who avoid this type of gig (one comic doing an hour in a bar). Do this one in Meridian if you can. It will be a pleasant surprise. It is good to have Boise back on the calendar.

There is a lot of down time on the cruise ships, of course. I spend most of it hiding out in my cabin, reading, writing, working out. There is limited television in the cabins. We get a handful of regular channels when the satelite is working and there are three or four movies that run all day. One channel has the 'crew movie'. This can be anything from a relatively new release to a favorite from the past few years and it changes every day. 'Across the Universe' was the crew movie yesterday on the ship. I watched it four times.
tommy on 06.07.08 @ 09:16 AM CST [link] [No Comments]